soooohownow

Hehe!

2008-05-27T02:25:00.000+08:00

http://sohownow.livejournal.com

I am

2008-05-01T21:02:00.002+08:00

In love. T_T

Like, confirmed.

How come

2008-04-18T00:01:00.003+08:00

Everyone is like enjoying but I still feel so out of place?

I wonder.

If I'm lousy, or I'm lousy.

24/7

2008-04-15T20:36:00.003+08:00

I have made up my mind on several things.

In this life I have made so many mistakes I find myself in fear of what wrong I am going to do next. Yes, as much as we say we will learn from past mistakes, we often find ourselves in the same deep shit.

Headstrong people can make both the best decisions and the worst ones.

Let's see how the first semester goes...

Anyway, Juu, thank you. No particular reason why. :)

Omg.

2008-04-12T14:34:00.002+08:00

I can't believe I'm in Mass Communication...

I've treated people's stereotypical statements as a generalisation based on the minority. Now, I've seen with my own eyes... I'm grasping for air above the suffocating cloud of arrogance. Or should I just lie flat on the ground, and wait for the firemen to save me?

I'm damn happy to be in the same tutorial group as SM! 2 years together in Secondary School, and now we're in the same class again! Wheeee.

Oh and camp was pretty bad. If I didn't have SM, Michelle, Calvin, and some other nice people I met in the camp, it would've been a nightmare. I think the organisers put in a lot effort but they focused on the wrong areas and neglected the more important ones.

Nevertheless, thank you for the good effort...

I still can't believe I'm in Mass Communication.

Will we be able to hold firmly to our roots and beliefs? Or will we be blinded by diamonds?

A day late friend.

2008-04-08T22:42:00.002+08:00

Went to school for the MacBook tutorial today. It turned out to be some nonsensical, time-wasting activity. Despite that, I had fun. I finally met Bryan again after 4 years. And I met SM, Michelle, Hui Ting, Atiqa and Amiril! Fuhuanites unite! Jyings and Juu pangsehed! T_T (You two owe me cash compensation!) Marinne never pangseh because I understand her situation. Her MacBook is down for repair.

I met Jyings, Felicia and Calvin at City Hall for lunch. Then I decided to go get my acoustic guitar with Calvin's help. I tried several guitars within my budget, but the sounds came out to bright and crusty. Then the man introduced me something above my budget, and it happened - love at first strum. There, a Crafter GA7/N at $360. Good enough for me.

I have to admit though, there was another price that came with this beautiful guitar. I was walking down the stairs excitedly going home with Dope and the new love when I slipped... I heard a thunderous sound. My guitar... I thought my money had gone down the drain. Thankfully not... But right now I've got a horrible bump on the side of my left thigh. It's the size of the surface of a tennis ball. I'm fucking serious hahahaha. FMS people you'll get to see it on Thursday! If it hasn't gone down yet, that is. I'm going to look worse than I already am... And I was planning to wear FBTs throughout the camp. I think I still am. My thigh looks sexy now. My ass...

Thank you Michelle, Glenn and Malcolm for yesterday, and thank you Jyings, Felicia and Calvin for today.

I am my enemy.

2008-04-08T01:32:00.004+08:00

I have a brilliant mind.

A mind so brilliant I feel incompetent.

A mind so brilliant I feel insecure.

A mind so brilliant,

So deep in thought,

So very deep in thought,

I know I want kill myself,

But have no guts to.

And if I did,

At a new birth,

I would have a mind that

Could

Think less,

Fear less,

Feel less,

Know less.

Then I would be much happier.

Like Shrek.

For now, I'm only close to looking like Shrek.

This is not a suicide note you fools.

This is a confession.

Don't.

2008-04-07T15:08:00.002+08:00

Please don't do this to me.

Work replacements and supper

2008-04-06T23:40:00.001+08:00

I agreed to replace my sister at work for the day. It was a pretty easy job for a $7/hr thing. All I had to do was go around saying, "Hullo, I'm from Today's Parents' magazine! We're having a contest sponsored by Canon for Child cover, Child & Father cover and Child & Mother cover! Would you like to give it a shot? It's free, and you get to keep a copy of the picture taken instantly at our booth too!" Of course, most of the time, I only had to say "It's F-R-E-E-E!" and the parents' faces would light up instantly. So I didn't have to waste much saliva talking about the sponsors and contest details. Certainly an obvious characteristic of Singaporean people. And quite amusing too, considering the fact that I haven't been very amused with life in a while now.

Since I was in the area I asked Joshua to supper. Finally met him after 4 years of friendship through music. I don't mind having a brother 7 years older than me in my next life! Cause he treated me to nasi goreng!..... But eh that's not the only reason la! I not so jian onez...

An hour's journey home.

Alone.

I'm sorry.

2008-04-05T22:43:00.003+08:00

I'm a fucking bitch. Screw me.

Although the day started off badly... and ended badly too, thank you Michelle for making the in-between fun. Iceskating turned out to be quite alright.

I think it's about time I return to the shell of myself and think about what I have done for the past 4 months.

I'm a fucking bitch. Screw me.

I just...

2008-04-02T23:28:00.003+08:00

Had a cup of cold milk.

Hmm. BBQ went well today, thank you Huifang, Purdey and Chiayin for organising it. :)

Somehow I don't feel happy these days.

Maybe I should go jogging tomorrow.

Say anything.

2008-04-02T00:28:00.001+08:00

I'm not in a very good mood, so I'll just recap on how the past days have been. Not very sure who will read this though...

The holidays have been pretty good so far. Been going to the gym with Michelle quite regularly.

One of the more significant days was going out to lunch with Juu at Newton Food Centre last thursday. She brought me some home-made brownies too!

We also gave Huishan a birthday surprise the next day. And the suggested 'Hippie Day' became one celebrated only by Me, Juu and Sarah. I had fun though! :D

On Saturday my dad invited my bandmates Zheng, Yee and Hiroshi over to stay (I think he only allowed that because Zheng and Yee are my cousins)! Daddy was happy because he was granted with temporary sons. So he opened a bottle of Jack Daniel's whiskey. Everyone got high that night. No, not drunk, just fidgety. The next day we performed an acoustic set at Senja Soka Centre. Turned out quite well...

And today, I watched Slam. I admit the China accent got a little irritating after awhile, but the movie was good. I'll give it a 4/5. I was super excited to watch it. But after that I felt pretty low thinking about my own experiences as a baller.

Also, I only realised today how common the word 'Dope' has become... Oh well. It's quite sad. Not very unique anymore. I feel I did my Macbook injustice.

I shall end with a big sigh.

The cycle.

2008-03-26T23:41:00.002+08:00

Wtf? I should stop lying to myself!

Sat sat oi.

2008-03-26T00:56:00.001+08:00

I had fun at the Sports Camp's campfire today.

Can religions co-exist? PMS and food cravings?

2008-03-24T00:52:00.001+08:00

Religions are beliefs and we should respect each and every one of them. I went to watch an Easter Day drama at Jyings' church yesterday, and although I felt quite out of place at some point of time because I am a Buddhist, I actually thought the drama turned out pretty well. I'm not sure if I cried because the scene was too gory, or because I felt sorry for Jesus, or... I don't know. But I respect Him for his sacrifices... The pain seemed intolerable...

Thank you Jyings, Rachel and Michelle for your understanding when I didn't want to step forward! :)

As much as I am troubled over the cynical thought that religious differences do affect friendships, I'll continue my quest to convince others that until we learn to be open-minded and accept the different religions around us, we cannot build peace and harmony in this world.

Thank you Daddy and Mummy for bringing me up so well and teaching me values (ok, I guess the indecisiveness, over-sensitivity and vulgarism part doesn't fit in as a value, HAHA, but anyhow...) ...

Ok now to switch to something more light-hearted!

I went jamming today! Quite productive! And I had a lot of food cravings during the session, so I dragged the rest to eat after we finished jamming. Ah I ate cheese fries, taro turnover, chococone, and then we went to Ah Ma's birthday celebration at a restaurant and I ate a gigantic portion of food. Eh, is having food cravings part of PMS?

I'm quite excited, going jogging/running with Michelle and Adabelle tomorrow at the school complex! Chyeah!

I'm going to get some orange juice now! Good night!

Overwhelmed.

2008-03-22T02:31:00.001+08:00

Just years ago there was the craze over nasty black pearls in milk. I think I had a drink too many, I've a stomachache now. I ordered Mango Red Tea, Red Milk Tea and Iced Honeydew Sago. Eh, it was for 'my family' but I guess I used that excuse to my advantage. >:D

Anyhow, it's been a wonderful 8 weeks in NPP with the DPA students.

We all started out insecure, unsure of what was ahead of us. At the end of the journey, we emerged as 97 leaders.

To JJRinne:

Juu, thank you for being damn patient with my nonsense and singlish! Most of the time I was indecisive and I think it's quite an irritating habit of mine but you still encouraged me and said it's ok. :) Without your reassurances, guidance and advice, I probably wouldn't have had the courage to do many things (eg. go up to a construction worker... NYAHAHA) You've been my partner for several occasions... And I'm actually damn glad to have you in MCM. It's quite hard to put into words how thankful I am to have you here. :D You're pretty, you're capable and talented. Don't be so humble not to show it off! :D Haha. Thank you for your love, Juu!

Marinne, thank you for bursting into your true self on the 3rd day of school. I remember sitting beside you in class on the 2nd day of NPP. Fucking quiet sial. Then you kept messaging bf ahhh [ahem]. I didn't even know how to strike up a conversation with you! Haha who knew you'd be this crazy?!?! :D Acting bitchy and screaming with you is one of the most enjoyable things in this NPP! And doing aerobics with you... Damn fun! You la, too pretty alrd, you made me a pervert! [does the line-dance]... Haha. EH I STILL THINK YOU LOOK LIKE THURSDAY FROM THE ADDAM'S FAMILY! HAHAHA :) Thank you for your encouragements, Rinne!

Jyings, thank you for constantly reminding me that I shine. Each time you tell me that you make me feel so proud of myself again. You noticed every bit of my mood change, and made sure that I spilled my problems out to you before I accumulated too much of them in me. I love the way you try to speak up for your 7 skinny-jeans. HAHA! You're adorableeeee the way you are! I respect you for always speaking up for others and yourself, and taking a firm stand on what you think is right... :) You are special. NPP was made fun with you and your smile. Thank you for your listening ears, Jyings!

To Tou&Co.:

After-school sessions were always so interesting going to dinner with you all and talking about stupid things.

Michelle, you've been a caring and selfless friend, always cheering us up with lollipops and jokes, and having to spend money on cabs at night because you live in Jurong. As soon as I feel myself getting used to your jokes, the time has come for NPP to end. I hope this friendship won't. :) Thank you for listening to my woes.

Malcolm, you're a pig. Chocolates and sleep make your day! :D You're also everyone's good friend! [But a dog is a man's best friend... Hehe.] It's always great having you around because you make us smile... Thank you for your company home.

Glennnnnn, you're a popular dude, but you never ditched us, your brothers. :) You'd always advise me when I was feeling low. You're damn brother... Best bru ever. Thank you bru! Let's stay Tou&Co. forever. :D

To FMS:

Sarah, you're an awesome leader and you take the initiative to contribute whatever you have to your team. I really want to work with you again because you keep the team so well together. I fucking enjoy talking about dumb things with you lahhh haha! Thanks for everything hon!

Huishan, my lovely indie chic, I love the way you say things with a straight face! You're creative and damn sweet. And you didn't live in Britain for 3 years. HAHAHA. We'll go to gigs together with Huda sometime! :D

Za, you're special and I'm proud that you've such responsibility. You always like to act sarcastic! Hehe! Be happy always, and never let anything affect what you wanna do! Love you!

Carylyne, thank you for opening up to us, I'm really glad you did! You're such a sweet thing. And very professional-looking I think you'll go damn far in the PR sector.

Viki, primary school friend! Nyahaha never expected to see you again. You're incredibly knowledgeable, I envy you! Continue to do well!

Euminl, you bloody pornstar, stop grinding me! I saw your seriousness a few times though, when you said that our video on Child Exploitation was sad. I think I got used to your horny talk I'll miss it when school starts.

Huda, you're such a unique girl, it's cool how we knew each other on the net and then become schoolmates! I love your style. Thank you for always encouraging me! Pals always! [KISS KISS]

Hannah, YOU ASSHOLE, I NEVER THOUGHT A GIRL COULD BE THIS FUNNY! Haha you made FMS class the best class to be in with your dumb jokes and quirky behaviour.

Doreen, we aren't very close but you gave me the pebble. Thank you! I feel damn happy that you found great friends, Hannah, Jocelyn and Euminl when you came to FMS. Because you 4 are such a jumpy bunch! Hope that we girls will continue to lunch with each other when school starts!

Jocelyn! You have a twin sister! Haha, you are great, you always do your best to contribute to the group. I can see your willingness and commitment! You're also the peacemaker... So diplomatic. Hehe. But there are times you mustn't let people push you around k! :D

Ziq, brother brother, my captain, haha it's easy to relate past experiences with you because you share the same thoughts as I do. Thank you for making me feel better when I feel sucky... :)

Zane, you make a loyal friend and you appreciate those who care for you. I hope you will find good friends in NP and be happy, not sad anymore. Brothers!

Ali! Barney! You are huggable! Thank you for carrying me around and not complaining about my weight, hehe! I'll miss being piggybacked!!!

Simon, NO PRESSURE ON YOU! I hope we'll be friends even when we're in different courses. If you wanna get a new camera, let me adopt Bob, will you? :D

To others:

Ruth, AHHHHH BROWNIES! I know it's damn mean but I only began to appreciate you after you gave me the brownies. Because I was so touched you gave me a gift though we didn't really know each other! And being in your group twice, the first time during the orientation and the second time during the leadership camp, it was awesome. You're a great leader and a great friend. Thank you for comforting me when I was crying and all. HAHA. I hope we'll get to see each other often... Love you, Ruth.

Sugar, ahhhh you're very cute. You were the one who initiated the 'go-to-school-together' scheme. HAHA. You make a great friend... Thank you for celebrating my birthday with me! Please continue to smile always, don't be sad!

Jeremy, you're another late-sleeper. Haha. Thanks for teaching me how to use the DSLR! And also dropping by to ask how I'm doing. :) Take care bro!

To Atlas:

We rocked the house with our cheer!

To 2 2 Train:

We'll make screwing an olympic game! You people are true leaders.

To everyone else from DPA:

We survived this. We were winners from the start.

Ok you can tell the acknowledgements got shorter and shorter... I started at 10.30pm and I took like 4 hours thinking over and over... It's 2.30am now!

In short, I love DPA!!!

I admit

2008-03-20T21:46:00.003+08:00

I enjoyed the Overseas Leadership Camp. I am indecisive, and not in a the blogging mood as usual, hence I shall not talk about the camp because I seriously don't know where to start...

2!2!Train! is awesome.

It hasn't ended just yet.

2008-03-17T01:05:00.003+08:00

Chyeah it's 1.06am and I haven't gone to sleep. I did some blog-surfing. And I realised how much qualifying for DPA means to me now. No, I don't regret joining this bullshit exercise that had me throw away my 8 weeks of freedom. It doesn't mean I don't regret coming to Mass Communication, this, I won't know, just yet. But in NPP I've made so many good friends... Now as we get to the final stage of this programme I'm wishing it will never end. I came here empty-handed, and I am leaving with a little bit of faith crawling up my spine. Because you people gave me faith.

And I must say the most enjoyable time of NPP wasn't being surprised by a birthday cake, but knowing who put in their hearts into making me smile. JJrinne, the FMS kids (for the cake and presents and cards), Ruth (f0r the brownies), Glenn, Mich, Mal, Jeremy, Sugar (for Swensen's), Elaine (for the cookies), and everyone else! Thank you Dennis, Mel (for the book), my beloved girl gang JMT (for two surprises on Saturday and Sunday)... I know I haven't won the Grammy's or the Oscar's or the I forgot what's the name of the sciencey, artsy award but to hell with it, but thank you so much. It's quite late for a birthday speech, but this is all I got... I've got you.

And this is how I learnt to do the trust fall.

Heels?

2008-03-17T00:21:00.002+08:00

Heels suck... Who says you look formal in heels? Who says you look glamorous in heels? It's bullshit conformity. Bullshit trends! I wonder why I conformed! Maybe I merely wanted to look good! But oh no I never looked good! So I think I'll stick to shoes for now... Until I find myself threatened by the presence of the OMG-I-LORVE-HEELS-OMG-OMG-OMG-I-DON'T-GIVE-A-SHIAT-IF-IT-HURTS-MY-BACK-NEXT-TIME girls in april... Till then, screw heels... :(

P.S. Girls, forget this entry! Wear heels! It's just me. It's just me.

And I have a feeling I'll miss SocPsych and the conformity issues.

This is so Dope.

2008-03-15T14:42:00.000+08:00

I got my MacBook. I named it Dope. Dope's black. And black is beautiful. So stop being such a racist before I make you personally shove a 12-inch long beef jerky down your throat. And be thankful I don't do anal (as in anus anal) punishments... Oh yeah, and thank you, Mummy and Daddy for getting me this MacBook that has been discriminated for ages. I promise I won't get addicted, to, Dope.

I'm beginning to wonder why I blog. I have serious mental block problems... And my entries seem so dreary it looks as though my life is running along the suicidal lines.

Sometimes I feel so troubled I want people to know. But then it's hard to put thoughts into words... At other times I feel so happy I can barely relax my cheek muscles. But then it's hard to express this overwhelming joy... Because only I feel it. And I see it. Do you feel it? Do you see it?

I just linked Huishan.

Imagine knocking on the door of a god-forsaken house at the end of nowhere where all the dirt roads meet the sea. An old man holding a kerosene lamp peers out from behind the door, whispering, "Who goes there?"

Who comes here, really?

Build A Bridge And Jump Off It.

2008-03-10T20:45:00.000+08:00

Lonely and restless on the coldest of nights
With these thoughts on my mind that keep pulling me down
I'm only fooling everyone else
So that everyone else turns their back on me

Can't let go of these feelings that I'm keeping inside
Or hold on, cause I'm feeling like I'm barely alive
Lay back, as this pain takes over me.

Broke down cause my head was spinning out of control
Nineteen years, and I've got nothing to show
We're only getting older now...

This pain seems forgotten
But inside I'm rotting, I'm rotting
Thinking of all this time
Left to waste then die
The only thing I know for sure
Is I don't care anymore

And when I'm gone
I hope you have the strength to move on
Angry, but I'm told to not complain
Recluse, but I'm better off this way
This is not what I want, but I'll just bite my tongue
I'm hungry, but I'm too tired to eat
Tired, but I'm too hungry to sleep
We'fe only getting older now...

And it hurts.
Save me cause I'm drowning
Please give me more time
Cause I can't keep on counting
It feels like I'm blinded now
As they shut me out
But I'm trying to see
Please make this stop

My pain seems forgotten
But inside I'm rotting, I'm rotting
Thinking of all this time
I wait to die
But I'm not going to know what I'm doing here
So why can't you give me a sign
And as I drown now
Swimming in an ocean of fear
My last regret is
Never knowing why I'm here...

Not very significant.

2008-03-09T00:01:00.001+08:00

Today I watch all your silhouettes disappear again, like 4 years ago.

Awesome...

2008-03-08T00:18:00.001+08:00

Tiring day. Not feeling very good.

I was actually pretty surprised when Thomas Chua said our presentation was good! After seeing Viki's group present I was damn scared la! I was afraid Thomas would find our performance lousy compared to Viki's... But eh, he said ours was creative lo! And everyone enjoyed too! (I think!) Good job, Jjrinne + Ziggy! :D

Then after lunch, Marinne and I decided to catch a movie at the library while waiting for Juu and Jyings to finish their CATS discussion! We didn't even pass the 30 minutes time when Juu called to say they were done! Ack! But nevermind! Because here comes the best part! We settled on going to Island Creamery! (Cold Rock was out of the way.) And you know where is Island Creamery? It's at SERENE Centre! HAHAHAHAHAHA such a pleasantly-named mall right?!Ahhhhh we shared 4 scoops! Jjrinne! Cookies and cream, nutella, latte, and teh tarik flavour! Shiokazi...

I met jyings' friends. 2 very friendly girls. We went to town... Window-shopped. They left at 5+ for cellgroup. So I went to HMV and spent $99 on 4 cds. Meg & Dia, The Shins, The Bravery, and Klaxons. I fucking felt like buying 3 of New Found Glory's cds la. Then I'll have the whole collection of nfg albums! But then I think I'll buy them secondhand from amazon or something... Haha. Aiya you know how cheapskate I am! :D

Orh I went to find Glenn, Mal and Mich later. They went to a salon to make (or break) their hair! All came out pretty nicely la. Especially Glenn's fringe! I'm glad they liked the little somethings I got them...

Now this entry is getting boring... And I don't know how to make my entries interesting la... I shall end here... Goodnight asses. :P Want a kiss? Muack. HAHAHA.

Keep running.

2008-03-06T21:58:00.000+08:00

I'm happy to have met good friends in NPP. Thank you for accepting me for who I am. I'm not cool, I fucking don't know how to spree (HAHA), don't know how to shop (HAHA), don't know how to dance, don't know how to stay out late... But now I know there are friends around me who never really cared about my weaknesses. Will I see, you catching me, when I do the trust fall? If you catched Ali and Christopher, I thank you. You gave them hope.

Who will?

2008-03-05T00:56:00.000+08:00

As you step back, away from this path so neatly paved for you, you find yourself lost.

Hi non-asswipes.

2008-03-04T02:00:00.001+08:00

Let's welcome the Guests of Honour, Juu and Malcolm. [clap clap]

Hi again asswipe.

2008-03-04T01:36:00.001+08:00

I seriously mean it when I said asswipe.

Hi asswipe.

2008-03-04T01:35:00.001+08:00

I mean it when I said asswipe.